Titanium White's Hans von Hozel Weekly Challenges
by Titanium White
Summary: These are all my one-shots written for the hillarious Hans von Hozel Weekly Challenge
1. Jannalyn Catch Cheating

**Hans Von Hozel Challenge Week 2: Jannalyn**

**Jannalyn Catch Cheating**

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><p>Janalyn walked into Merlottes and Sam not there.<p>

"Sam... I got KFC."

She go into office and he presing Sookie against wall.

"You Danube her too!" Jannalyn screech.

"It not as you eyes tell." Sam say.

He throw Suki to floor.

"I loaved you" Sookie cry.

Sookie take nife out of boob holder and stab him through chest.

"Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" He moan.

"No! Sam making blood on floor!" Jannalyn crys.

Sam dye.

At funeral everyone cry.

Jannalyn say she need revenge.

"I apology" Sookie cry.

"Not enough" Jannalyn whack sookie with yoyo.

Sookie die; Everyone panicks and run out.

"You kill lover of mine." Shout Eric.

Jannalyn say that Sam and Zookie cheetahed on them.

"We cheat back. Payback." Eric grabs Jannalyns right boob. Jannalyn kiss him in the lip.

Eric pushes her to floor.

"You breath like dog." He says. He shot her with crossbow.

"No I die." She say, then die.

Eric starts dancing to Brittany Spears song organ lady plays.

Sun shine through window. Eric remember hes a vampire and they die in sun.

"Oh no sun out. I vampire. Oh Danube!"

Eric turn to dust.

The End.


	2. Sam is Moneyless

**Hans Von Hozel Challenge Week 5: Merlotte's**

**Sam is Moneyless**

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><p>Sam sit in office, he full of sad.<p>

"Why your eyes raining?" Sookie ask.

"Bar in much debt. I must let go of your employment."

"No. I know making money plan." Sookie bring out sign which read "Carwash- 5 dollar"

"I make word art well." Say Sookie.

1 sleep later, Merlate's lot be flowing over with automobiles.

Sam and unprettiful waitresses not let to wash cars.

Sookie wash all cars herself. Sookie is clothing herself in white vest and hotpants. All town men watch her like she Playboy rabbit.

Sookie move like Beyonce as she clean car.

"Oh no I drop hose." Water wetten over her. Vest goes not visible.

"Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo." Go men.

"She hooker." Go ugly waitresses.

"I make money well." Go Sookie.

She see Sam once she finish sexy car-washing.

"We make ten million!" Sookie say, pulling money paper out of hot-pants.

"But water bill now cost ten million!" Sam cry again.

"Make no more tears. I got new money plan."

Sookie gets Eric and they go knocking on doors with cookies.

"I hate cookies!" Shout man at door. Sookie cry.

"Buy cookies or I Danube face with fist!" Eric say. Man give him credit card. This happens at every knocked door.

Next morning, Sookie go to Sam's office.

"We make trillion dollar!" Sookie say.

"We like Bill Gates! Celebration we must have."

"I already buy world on E-Bay!"

Sam cheer.

"No. Everyone now my slave." Sookie makes laughter evilly and slave-ifies world.

The End.


	3. The Sookies

**Hans Von Hozel Challenge Week 6: Book Sookie meets Show Sookie**

**The Sookies**

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><p>The sun sleeping. Sookie sit at couch visioning Jersey Shore on TV with Dermot.<p>

"Haha. Snooki have face of rodent." Dermot makes chuckling. Sookie make chuckling mirror.

Door makes a knock. Sookie movements to door and answers.

"I not order pizza." Sookie takes floor pizza inside.

Dermot eat slice and create explosions.

"No! They lemon in pizza!" Sookie make tears and eats creamed ice under blanket still watching Jersey Shore.

"Life like sad stori." She cry more.

Crydom stop when more knockings.

"Not more pizza poisonings." She screech making runnings to door with sledginghammer.

Lady at doors neck snap back oneeighty degree.

"Haha I like bill make Lorena in 3 season." Lady laugh, still alive and snappings neck back to normalness.

"You me!" Sookie screams.

"I you. But with Oscar!" Anna cacklings and bash Sookie with Oscar like she her bitch.

"I fight like Kill Bill woman!" Sookie say as she unleashifies ninjarate on Anna who get beated up like she do every episode.

"Stop! Master Alan Ball say I make termination of you." Anna say.

"We need reuniting to fight common enemy."

They make morphings into Thelma and Louise and Danube a car.

They reach (knife and) Fork.

"Luckiness we have SatNav!" Anna say.

They pounce on girl who be queen of blandness and her sparkly pansy boyfriend and crowbar them to death.

Sookie and Anna do dance of victory and win Prize of Nobel Peace. Then relase platinuming country album as "The Sookies" and make 7 Grammy winnings.


	4. Greatest Gifting of All

**Hans Von Hozel Challenge Week 10: Pam's First Celebrity Vampire Child**

**The Greatest Gifting Of All**

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><p>All people who everyone at Fangtasia- it exactly year away from Pam's birthday!<p>

Party have much pizza, lemonade and jello in rabbit shape.

Pam make party style pink clothing and party hat which all maked to wear Eric even!

All do Macarena and YMCA on floor of dance.

Sookie breakages Alan Ball pinata, he bleed sweetly stuff.

"Yay! Skittles!" Sookie make happy and eat candy.

They make playings of pin tail on Steve Newlin and chairs of much musicalness.

"What giftings I receive?" Pam say.

Bill gifts boring book of boringness.

Sam gifts checked shirt of mustiness.

Jannalyn gifts croppy-top of sluttiness.

Alcide gifts road kill of grossness.

Rest gift just as badly!

Pam made a sadly on floor at crappy presents.

"Make no sadlys. I make good giftings!" Eric walk to door and open it.

Suddenly Charlie Sheen.

"gggggg-rrrrrrrr-zzzzzzzzz-vvvvvv-mmmmmm-nnnnnn-sssssss-ttttttt-rrrrrrrrrr-nnnnnnnn-ggggg-rrrrr-eeeeeee-aaaaaaaaa-rrrrrrrrrr-ooooooooo-ggggggg-oooooooo" Charlie shout.

"He vamp child for you."

"He make Bubba like Einstein or wheelchair man!" Pam crys.

Sookie grind Charlie Sheen into the snorty powder he addiction to with her handbag.

"Get non junkie child for her!" Scream Sookie.

Eric danubes Ryan Reynolds into the room.

"Where the puppies you make promise of?" Ryan asking.

Before Ryan make movement, Pam all on him and he vampired!

"All better now?" Ask Eric.

"Best gifting ever!" Pam smile.

"I vampire? Yay!" Ryan cheer.

Pam and Vamp-Ryan do dance of celebration.

Then start conga line to Tijauna!


	5. Sookie Make House Purchasings

**Hans Von Hozel Challenge Week 10: Dallas**

**Sookie Make House Purchasings**

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><p>Sookie and Amelia have girly night of hair-braiding, makeup, pizza and comedic romances.<p>

"I want dress of Kim Kardashian" Amelia pointers at magazine.

Door makes knocking.

"I'll make answering." Sookie say.

Eric appear from door opening.

He lift Sookie upstairs for sexy time.

Amelia made an angry that boyfriend cat and cat not offer sexy time for her.

She cast evil spell.

Flames danube house.

Eric stop sexing and flying Sookie out of firey house.

Sookie have crydom that she homeless. Eric do comforting.

"I feel shittily." She tearing.

Eric do deathly draining of Amelia in vengeance.

No one make sadly for Amelia death.

"Where I live now?" Sookie ask.

Eric and Sookie plane to Dallas.

They make viewings of nice expensive ranch with realtor.

"Yay! They dishwasher!" Sookie say and get chequebook out for house purchasings.

Suddenly shootings.

Realtor have bullety death on floor.

Man in cowboy hat stand with shotgun.

"I own ranch and you not Ewing." He fire at Eric who die from silvery bullet.

"No! You make termination of my man." Sookie swoop kick cowboy and shooting him with bazuka from bra.

He cause many exploding.

"Yay! I shot JR!" Sookie do many square dances of happy and yee-hawing.

She then own all of world oil supply and be richest on earth.

She become queen of Europe and make exilings of Stephanie Meyer to Siberia.


End file.
